I’ll stick with being me

One of the things that Mike always says about me is that I worry far too much and that I over think everything. He knows me so well, because I really do.

I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to dwelling on things. I’m shit at decision making. I’ve been trying to do some positive thinking lately, thinking about what I’m doing now, what my future might hold. Thinking about who I am and who I know I can be. I’m forever planning, plotting out the direction I think my life should be going in.

In 2 years time I’ll be here doing this thing, in 5 years I’ll be there doing that thing. Here’s where my house will be, here’s where our son will go to school, here’s how many other children we will have, here’s how perfect my kitchen will look. I’ll go back to school, get better qualifications, a degree perhaps. I’ll set up my own business and work for me.

Now that is something I am going to do. If there’s nothing else I’m more certain about in this world, it’s that one day I will work for myself. I just will. I’m so very sure about that.

I just don’t know when, or how, or doing what. I’d like to think it will be in some way writing related, because aside from running and spending time with my family, writing is my favourite thing to do. Not stories though, ramblings; usually about me.

I posted a request on my facebook page recently, asking anyone who’d read my blog to comment on what they like about it, and to help me decide what I’m going to make my posts about. I’d got it into my head that I needed to be writing about just one thing. But those closest to me helped me realise that actually it’s the day to day stuff that people like to read about, nothing special. Just me taking on a challenge, or exposing the things I’m scared of, or ranting about something I feel passionately about. I’m not doing it for any recognition, at least I wasn’t when I started this. It’s always just been for me really, for me to express how I’m feeling, to feel like I’ve told somebody. It’s like having a having chat with a friend…who sometimes doesn’t respond.

I revert back to my first sentence where I mentioned that I over think everything, and I guess this is a perfect example. I allowed my mind to run off and convinced myself that I should specialise, that I should only write about one thing. In reality, it’s about writing about my thoughts and my feelings, some people will like it, some people won’t.

Who cares, it’s just me.


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