General

Am I a grown up now?

Feeling old right now. I just crossed a line. I took The Voice off series link. Don’t laugh – this is serious.
I’ve always loved that kind of trash TV, it’s been my thing; my guilty pleasure. Up until 2 and a half years ago I watched pretty much everything on TV, (apart from Corrie and Emerdale, can’t stand those) and now in a bid to maximize on my sleep and general sanity my addiction to telly is flailing. (Is flailing a word? Is it spelt like that? I feel like it is).

I had 6 weeks between going on maternity leave and having my son (he was 12 days late). I remember those 6 weeks well. I remember those weeks when I complained about my fat ankles and couldn’t move, and needed help to put my socks on. I also remember it because I was glued to the box. I could not get enough TV.

Soaps:

  • Home and Away (don’t judge me)
  • Hollyoaks (seriously don’t judge me)
    and
  • Eastenders (family tradition only I seem to have continued, feel kinda like I’m carrying the baton on this one).

I love a good soap, and I do mean soap here, not drama. Of course I love dramas (I’ll do a separate post about my favourite dramas) – but there is a reason why they only run for 6-8 episodes, all that intensity and all those emotions; you get gripped. Not with soaps. Nope. With soaps you can just chill out with your crisps and biscuits and try to figure out who shot Phil this time without getting emotionally drawn it AT ALL. This is particularly good when you are a pregnant emotional mess and everything makes you cry.

So the soaps were ace.

I was also watching things like Britain’s Got Talent (still do, soz), Strictly (kinda slipping on that one), The X Factor (ugh, I’ve changed) and The Voice. Not to mention I’m a Celeb and the occasional Celeb BB.

Then came the child. Sleeping stopped for about a week and a half, and when it finally resumed it was fleeting. I had NO TIME for TV. I actually felt like I was betraying myself a tiny bit. How bad is that? My son needed me, and whilst I was there for him, and would always put him first (and needed sleep) I also felt guilty for no longer watching my programmes. First to go were Home and Away and Hollyoaks.

I miss them. They are like old friends that I really want to get back in touch with, except I don’t really know them anymore and it would be weird getting to know them all over again. I think I’ve said goodbye to H&A and Hollyoaks for good. Farewell friends.
I will never quit on Eastenders, it just isn’t going to happen. So lets just move past it.

I stopped watching The X-Factor a couple of years ago. After shouting at the TV (and probably nearly waking up Leo) Mike asked me why the hell I still watched all this crap if I was just going to shout at it all the time. He had a point. Since then, I’ve made a promise that if I ever found myself fast-forwarding through large chunks of a show or getting annoyed with it in anyway again, it had to go. So bye bye X-Factor.

I sat down on the sofa this evening after settling Leo down to sleep. With a glass of Dr Pepper Zero in one hand (urgh, it really isn’t tasty at all) and remote control in the other and flicked through the recorded programmes in the TV planner. I had 3 episodes of The Voice to watch. I figured I better crack on.. 5 minutes into the show I was fast forwarding it. I remembered my rule about fast forwarding things, but decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. I soon realised that all the singers sounded the same and even the ‘alternative’ ones were just warblers. I didn’t like it. It had to go. I was sad.

I’m making jokes about all this, but there is a part of me (which I’m ashamed to admit) is kinda sad that I’m not watching all these shows any more. It’s like the old Sam is disappearing. I’m getting further and further away from who I was and I’m turning into someone else. I’ve always loved the fact that I can be a wife, a friend, a mum, a co-worker, a shoulder to lean on – but when I get home, when I’m comfortable – I’m me. I’m little Sam. I was little Sam for a long time. Being little Sam generally means watching those TV shows, being silly and having a laugh and a joke. I’m worse when I’m with my siblings, I can be really silly when we are all together. Although, not so much lately.

Am I growing up? Maybe this is what happens when you have a child, I’m not convinced though. I really do think you just get to an age where you can’t be arsed with dealing with shit. Any shit. From pairing socks up properly (how can you pair black socks when they are all subtly different? FFS!), to shredding documents with personal details on (nope), to watching The Voice. I just can’t be bothered. I AM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME.

I’ve always loved my sleep. I wasn’t one of those kids who tried to stay up really late for fear of missing out. If I was tired, I was sleeping. It didn’t even matter if I had friends sleeping over, or if my sister (who I shared a room with) was talking to me about her day – I’d just sleep. In fact, quite often my sister would refer back to something she’d told me the night before thinking that I’d heard her, when actually I had no idea because I’d dozed off (soz Ruth).

I would like to end my rant about lack of sleep and regret over TV I have missed with a thank you. Thank you trashy television for being there when I threw a sicky, for being there when I was all preggo and fat, for being there at 2 in the morning when I was trying (and failing) at breastfeeding my newborn, for being something to talk about with my mother in law when I first joined the Ward clan. Thanks for everything, I’ll never forget you. And I’m still watching Eastenders so its all good.

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